Unwinding 50 years of painful habits.
I have exciting news! After 4 years and 1600 hours, I have officially graduated as a certified Alexander Technique teacher.
I am eternally grateful to my children, who are the greatest blessings in my life, for their love and patience as I’ve spent this time unraveling and healing.
I am deeply indebted to Luc Vanier for his mastery, strength, and generosity in carrying me through this. I owe him and his wife, Elizabeth Johnson, my very life.
A huge thank you to Christopher Neville for introducing me to the work.
I also want to thank my fellow students and other teachers who have encouraged and inspired me along the way.
Words cannot express what this work has meant to me and how it has changed my body, my mind, and my entire life, every inch of it, from the inside out.
I imagine it must happen that way for everyone who trains in this technique.
I’m certainly not special because I had so many levels of pain and confusion to unwind.
“Why didn’t you just tell me?” I repeatedly asked in class.
That’s the joke.
Of course people tried to tell me but I couldn’t hear it because I couldn’t see it.
It was easier to see the pain in others and ignore my own.
I was so good at that.
I didn’t notice myself chronically holding my breath, gripping my feet, and strangling everything I touched.
I couldn’t feel myself pulling down and collapsing beneath the weight of my worries or bracing against every thought.
In fact I wasn’t “doing” any of that. That’s simply what happens when you use your body and mind unconsciously for 50 years.
That’s how many years it took for me to see that my habitual way of moving through the world was the thing that had created the pain and confusion in the first place.
It’s nothing personal.
It’s only a habit.
Once I could see it, the next step was to try not to do anything about it.
But that’s like asking fire not to burn.
My deepest apologies to anyone who has ever contended with the fierceness of my habits.
If you haven’t, don’t worry. You might have a chance because they are still smoldering.
Thankfully I am aware of them now. Enough that sometimes I can stop before anyone gets burned.
When I can’t stop I’m able to have patience and empathy for myself and others.
Not the old upside down kind that sees everything as a problem needing to be fixed.
But the kind that allows life to be,
Perfect just the way it is.
I thought I was working to eliminate my pain but it turns out that’s not the Alexander Technique.
The Technique is, allowing myself to pause just long enough to notice and experience the peace and joy life has to offer.
If only for a moment.
To give myself the space and freedom to burn.
Brightly!
